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SAMPLE SCRIPT ANALYSIS WORK |
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Script Coverage
Reader’s Report
BUDGET: LOW X MEDIUM HIGH
LOG LINE: A
promiscuous and opportunistic anesthesiologist falls in love with the
wealthy husband of a comatose patient and becomes involved in his scheme
to secretly kill his wife through a medicinal overdose.
COMMENTS SUMMARY: A sexually interesting but dramatically scattered mystery story,
which exhibits some good erotic writing and interesting character developments
but little story clarity or believability.
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SYNOPSIS SYNOPSIS: A
drunken Seattle socialite, JESSICA PORTER, falls into her pool while
walking around late one night. The next morning anesthesiologist MAUREEN
NOLAN (early 30's) arrives at work at the same hospital Jessica has
been brought to in a comatose state. To rid herself of stress, Maureen
goes to a local gym to swim away her anxieties. Back at the hospital
she meets with her longtime friend Nurse FRANCES MARTINEZ and Neurologist
PAUL WELLER. Everyone is talking about the new wing dedication and
Paul has asked Maureen to go with him to the event. A few weeks later
at the gala event Maureen meets GRAHAM PORTER, the husband of Jessica
Porter. The sexual chemistry between them is great and neither is
shy about showing it. When Graham tells Maureen about his comatose
wife in the hospital she is sympathetic toward his problem. While swimming at the gym, Maureen encounters
Graham in the pool. After a flirtatious encounter, she follows him
to his home in an exclusive area of the city. They make love in the
car and eventually make their way inside his large mansion. The next
morning, Maureen visits her father and terminally ill mother. Paying
for her mother’s in home care wears on Maureen but she still finds
time to read to her. Eventually, she begins to see more of Graham.
With her finances tight, Maureen begins to look at Graham’s life style
with a more envious eye. The police begin to take more of an interest
in Jessica’s case through DETECTIVE OSCAR LAVELLE, a determined and
intuitive black officer. Maureen’s affair with Graham becomes more
intense. Returning to the hospital, Maureen is surprised
to see Graham visiting his wife with their young daughter CLAIRE (6)
whom he had neglected to tell her about. Jessica’s sister, KATHERINE
BONNER, also pays a visit to the hospital. Maureen confronts Graham
about Claire and rumors that he had married Jessica for her money.
He claims that Claire was an oversight and that any money Jessica’s
family had was given to them by him. Maureen’s mother dies and with
the help of Frances’ husband, she scatters the ashes across the waters
near the city. Maureen and Graham begin to talk about what to do with
Jessica. After Graham returns from a trip to Hawaii, Maureen mentions
that Jessica could die and know one would suspect anything since her
religion frowns on autopsies. With a few vials of stolen potassium,
Maureen tries to inject Jessica with a fatal mixture. However, after
several problems occur, she loses her resolve and changes her mind.
Graham eventually completes the sale of his company in Hawaii while
Maureen waits back home. Jessica finally dies and is quickly buried.
Several days later Detective Lavelle appears at the hospital and confronts
Maureen with pictures he had taken of her and Graham in his pool.
Frances and Paul ask Maureen why they are being questioned about Jessica’s
death. Lavelle interviews several men who claim Maureen had been promiscuous
with them. Even Graham tells him that Maureen has been stalking him
after their one night affair. Graham denies all this to Maureen and
tells her to remain calm. Inside of Graham’s unoccupied resort cabin,
Lavelle finds a picture which draws his attention. With no autopsy
planned, Lavelle is told to drop the case by his Superior. Maureen
begins to have trouble trusting Graham especially after a woman she
had met in the hospital claims she and Graham almost got married.
She learns from Lavelle that Graham has decided to authorize an autopsy
of Jessica’s body. Since certain evidence would point to Maureen after
Jessica’s body is examined, Maureen decides to tell everything to
Lavelle. He also tells her that Graham’s father had stipulated that
Graham had to marry a respectable white girl who could give him children
or he would get nothing for his inheritance. Lavelle leaves Maureen to write a confession but she decides to confront Graham at his cabin instead. Once there she is surprised to see Frances at the Cabin affectionately holding Graham. Frances and Graham had been in love since they were children but Graham’s father was upset with his son’s attraction to a Hispanic girl. Distraught at seeing her best friend with her lover, Maureen runs from Graham until he chases her off a rocky cliff. Lavelle arrives and Graham tries to use his stalking story as a defense. However, Lavelle tells Graham that Maureen is pregnant and although she is now in a coma, they should able to verify the date of his supposed one night stand with her and her date of conception once the child is born. Four years later, Lavelle visits the still comatose Maureen at a convalescent hospital and tells her about her young daughter LILY, now living with Katherine and Claire in Hawaii. He tells her how great a swimmer she is, just like her mother.
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GENERAL COMMENTS: Atmosphere and emotional
details guide the premise of “XXXXXXXX”, an erotic mystery about an
uninhibited and opportunistic woman who is motivated by lust and wealth.
However, while the writers show much skill with this genre, they are
unable to sustain a clear and sympathetic story. STRENGTHS OF MATERIAL: Murder
among the wealthy is a very attractive premise. The writers have taken
this world of excess and greed and placed it in the center of this mystery.
The deep desires and sexual needs of the characters are well detailed
and the ability of the writers to evoke a sexual chord with the audience
is very good. The dramatic layering of Maureen’s character is rich with
diverse motivational needs. The sexual symbolisms, which include such
things as the weather, water and the spawning salmon swimming upstream
are well thought out and, although at times trite, add to the sensual
atmosphere. The attractive locations of Seattle are also very well exposed
giving the image of a very hip and attractive city. WEAKNESS OF MATERIAL: After a generally
good start, the story begins to get lost in too many distracting genre
elements. The writers use too many evidentiary plot points to cover
the base of their mystery. Pieces to the mystery puzzle start to come
together but in a confusing and too coincidental manner. The relationship
between Maureen and Graham begins to stagnate causing the story to slow
down and fragment. Maureen’s character is given a great deal
of depth in order to define her complex motivations. While this helps
create a compelling character her moves toward being an adulteress,
attempted murderess and nymphomaniac all seem to be only weakly connected
to her caring and sympathetic persona. Detective Lavelle is a weakly
conceived character. Egotistical with an unclear motivation, his appearance
in the story seems opportunistic and less virtuous than one would expect
from someone in law enforcement. POTENTIAL FOR DEVELOPMENT / IMPROVEMENT: This story falls short
of being a true suspense thriller (there are no immediate threats to
the main characters or mounting body counts). While there is no social
issue or pertinent moral statement, the story does have a strong tactile
attraction to it. Unfortunately there are more exploitative elements
here than hard-core drama and anything resembling a CBS level film might
be hard to perceive within the primarily sexual nature of this story. |